5 Reasons people Hate Apple

I came across this humorous article online, and it didn't have a link to share it... Obviously from a fan of Apple... Also, for the record I would like to point out that when Apple had the Rainbow logo I was a raving fan, but since they changed logo (and company direction) I have been a hater and find that I fit into EVERY one of these categories. My first computer was an Apple ][e and my first PDA was an Apple Newton, which I still have and still works, however I bought a 3rd generation iPod that never worked properly.


Every company has its opponents, but Apple really gets people worked up. Some people hate Apple a lot, more than they hate Nazis or Smurfs. They leave angry comments on Apple blogs. Based on my extensive observations of the species, Apple-haters fall into five categories. If you're an Apple-hater, which one of these categories do you fit in?

You believe buying Apple undermines your individuality. You see yourself as making a bold stroke for your individuality and freedom by your refusal to buy Apple. You use words like "brainwashed" and "lemmings" to describe Apple fans.

Is this a good reason to hate Apple? No, it's dumb. Your choice of consumer products says nothing about your individuality. The true individual doesn't care what the herd does, he does what's right for him. Sometimes that means forging a unique path, but other times, what the masses do is just fine. If your sense of individuality is bound up in the consumer products you buy, then you have no individuality at all -- you're just one of the Body of Landru, kidding yourself that you're a unique special snowflake.

Moreover, Mac OS has just 5% market share, Windows still runs on more than 90% of desktops. The iPhone is only the third most popular phone in the U.S., lagging Android and BlackBerry. If Apple is trying to absorb everyone into its universal groupmind, they're doing a poor job of it.

You hate Apple culture. Your favorite word is "arrogance." You look at Apple's secretive culture, its slick stores, its polished advertising campaigns, and you think that Apple feels it's superior.

Is this a good reason to hate Apple? No, it's dumb. What do you care what Apple thinks about you? Do you get worked up in a hissy fit if the barista at Starbucks looks at you funny?

The more you go on about Apple's "arrogant" culture,the more you reveal about yourself, your own insecurities and father-issues. Go get therapy, give yourself a hug, and shut up about Apple already.

You've had a bad experience with Apple products. Every company produces occasional lemons, and if you're stuck with one of them, you're likely to hate the company that sold it to you.

Is this a good reason to hate Apple? Heck, yes. If a company sells me a bad product, or gives me lousy service, they're dead to me. I'm still holding a grudge over a bum Compaq laptop I bought in 2002. I have a voodoo doll of Carly Fiorina that I torture whenever I'm felling blue. Carly, you know that pain you occasionally get in your lower back? That's me.

On the other hand, relatively few people have had bad experiences with Apple. Apple has great quality control, its customer satisfaction rankings are routinely among the highest for retail experience, the App Store, the iPad, its technical support, and the iPhone.

But if you're one of the people having problems with the iPhone, or with any other Apple device or service, then I don't blame you for hating Apple.

Apple isn't right for you. There are great swathes of people for whom Apple products simply aren't right. Apple is rarely the right choice for large and medium-sized businesses. The company doesn't provide the kind of close, hands-on relationships that these customers require.

The iPhone isn't for everyone. Phone service is poor in many areas of the US, including New York, San Francisco, and Boston, so if voice calls are still very important to you, then you're better off with an alternative. Likewise, if you want tethering, true multi-tasking, an open operating system, or Flash support, then an Android is a better choice.

Is this a good reason to hate Apple? No, it's dumb. I don't like McDonald's, but I don't spend a lot of energy denouncing it. I just don't go there.

You hate Apple's closed architecture. By refusing to buy Apple, you see yourself as striking a blow for freedom. You believe that Apple's control over the App Store is an affront to your right to read what you want to read, view what you want to view, and run whatever software you choose, without Daddy Steve Jobs telling you what to do.

Is this a good reason to hate Apple? Well, half-and-half.

App Store restrictions protect the consumer. The iPhone is a device for people who don't want to take a lot of time customizing, managing, and learning to use their phone, and App Store restrictions mean consumers spend a lot less time worrying about porn (which many people don't want to see, even if it is also popular among many others), malware, and junk apps.

App Store restrictions do sometimes go too far, as when Apple blocks a a Pulitzer-prize-winning political cartoonist and an app from a Republican Congressional candidate. That was wrong. And while Apple reversed itself on those cases, we don't know how many other cases there may have been where the wronged app developer simply walked away quietly.

Overall, my beef with the App Store restrictions aren't that they exist, they're that they need to be better. I want a native Google Voice App -- Google developed one, but Apple rejected it. I want an app that will let me update all my podcasts automatically, over the air, without having to sync to iTunes; Apple blocked a podcasting app in 2008.

While Apple kills those useful apps, it allows more than a hundred fart apps, including iFart Mobile, Atomic Fart, Fart Piano, 1,000,000 Fart Generator, and something called "Bluetooth Fart" (because, presumably, USB and Firewire farts just weren't good enough). You stay classy, Apple.

Still: Apple is not blocking your choices. Apple isn't the only choice in any of the markets it serves, you can always buy an Android phone, a Windows desktop, and download your music from Amazon.com. If Apple is trying to control America's thoughts, they're doing a poor job of it, an alternative to Apple is on the next aisle of any electronics store.

Things we can learn from Alice

It's easy to think that Alice in Wonderland is a dreamland fairy tale for children. On the surface it appears to be just that. However, if you look closer, you will realise that Alice's world translates into much more than a children's fairytale.

The story has been studied by psychoanalysts since the early 1900's and although it's filled with chaos there is lots to learn from its underlying messages.


1. Manage your Personal Growth
The most important metaphor in the story is one of growth. We see Alice grow from tall to short and from big to small. Growing up is about changing body size, dealing with ups and downs, feeling confident or insecure about oneself. When Alice eats she grows, when she drinks she shrinks. She soon learns to use the resources in her world to control her personal growth.

We spend our lives 'growing up' in one way or another. What are you doing to manage your personal growth?


2. Be Specific about What You Want to Achieve
Alice learns about the importance of knowing what she wants. We can learn a great deal about the importance of goals from her conversation with the Cheshire Cat.

“Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?”
“'That depends a good deal on where you want to get to”' said the Cat.
“'I don't much care where” said Alice.
“Then it doesn't matter which way you go,” said the Cat.

Think about what you will achieve over the next 90 days! Write it down together with the steps that you will take to achieve that. Imagine specifically what you will see and hear as you achieve your goal. Think about it until you can run a mental movie of what you want over and over again. In particular think about how achieving your goal will make you feel, and build the intensity of that emotion in your mind.


3. Develop your Identity
The characters in wonderland continually ask Alice who she is. As a result, she questions her identity. When we have doubts about who we are and what we stand for it affects our entire life. Consider the roles you have in your life, for example; a parent, a spouse, a son or a daughter, a colleague, a leader or a friend. Write out the qualities you believe you have in those roles. E.g. "I am a caring father" or "I am a creative business person". Remember that you will assume different behaviours in each role. As you learn more about yourself in each role, you will reinforce your self-belief and learn to develop your capabilities within each role.

4. Say What you Really Mean
Alice is continually told to say what she means. How often do you really say what you mean? When did you last have a conversation really meaningful conversation? When you connect with people who share similar values, you will find that you share more meaningful conversations.


5. Challenge your Creativity
In the latest movie Alice's father, a successful entrepreneur, tells her that he thinks of 6 impossible things before breakfast every day. Imagine if you just thought of 1 impossible thing per day. You could find ways to solve problems or create something that was never invented before. Get your creative juices flowing by thinking of 1 impossible thing everyday.


6. Follow the Advice you Give Yourself
"Alice generally gave herself good advice (though she very seldom followed it)."
Do you give yourself good advice and do you follow it? Or are we better at giving others advice and expecting them to follow it?

Whether you enjoy this fairytale for its entertainment value or search for the deeper meaning like I have, there is lots of value to be had.

We spend all of our lives “growing up” in one way or another. The underlying messages in Alice in Wonderland are about personal growth and development. Growing up is about learning who we are, what we stand for, what we want to do, be and have. It's about dealing with difficulty, hurt and pain as well as love, laughter and fun. It's about overcoming fears, embracing new challenges and nurturing relationships. It's about using our talents and learning to be the best we can be.

This may be a children's story at heart, however we can learn a great deal from a young girl who acquires the confidence and courage to break free from rules to become that person she aspires to be.

Sixty-two reasons why, in conscience, we cannot attend the New Mass

Sixty-two reasons why, in conscience, we cannot attend the New Mass (also known as Mass of Pope Paul VI, Novus Ordo, new liturgy) either in the vernacular or the Latin, whether facing the people or facing the tabernacle. Thus, for the same reasons, we adhere faithfully to the traditional Mass (also known as Tridentine Mass, old Latin Mass, Roman Missal, Pian Missal, Missal of St. Pius V, Mass of All Time).

1. Because the New Mass is not an unequivocal Profession of Catholic faith (which the Traditional Mass is), it is ambiguous and Protestant. Therefore, since we pray as we believe, it follows that we cannot pray with the New Mass in Protestant fashion and still believe as Catholics!

2. Because the changes were not just slight ones but actually "deal with a fundamental renovation...a total change...a new creation" (Msgr. A. Bugnini, co-author of the New Mass).

3. Because the New Mass leads us to think "that truths...can be changed or ignored without infidelity to that sacred deposit of doctrine to which the Catholic Faith is bound forever."*

4. Because the New Mass represents "a striking departure from the Catholic theology of the Mass formulated in Session XXII of the Council of Trent" which, in fixing the "canons," provided an "insurmountable barrier to any heresy against the integrity of the Mystery."*

5. Because the difference between the two is not simply one of mere detail or just modification of ceremony, but "all that is of perennial value finds only a minor place (in the New Mass), if it subsists at all."*

6. Because "Recent reforms have amply demonstrated that fresh changes in the liturgy could lead to nothing but complete bewilderment in the faithful who already show signs of uneasiness and lessening of faith."*

7. Because in times of confusion such as now, we are guided by the words of Our Lord: "By their fruits you shall know them." Fruits of the New Mass are: 30% decrease in Sunday Mass in U.S. (NY Times 5/24/75), 43% decrease in France (Cardinal Marty), 50% decrease in Holland (NY Times 1/5/76).

8. Because "amongst the best of the clergy the practical result (of the New Mass) is an agonizing crisis of conscience..."*

9. Because in less than seven years after the introduction of the New Mass, priests in the world decreased from 413,438 to 243,307 -- almost 50% (Holy See Statistics).

10. Because "The pastoral reasons adduced to support such a grave break with tradition...do not seem to us sufficient."*

11. Because the New Mass does not manifest Faith in the Real Presence of our Lord -- the traditional Mass manifests it unmistakably.

12. Because the New Mass confuses the REAL Presence of Christ in the Eucharist with His MYSTICAL Presence among us (proximating Protestant doctrine).

13. Because the New Mass blurs what ought to be a sharp difference between the HIERARCHIC Priesthood and the common priesthood of the people (as does Protestantism).

14. Because the New Mass favors the heretical theory that it is THE FAITH of the people and not THE WORDS OF THE PRIEST which makes Christ present in the Eucharist.

15. Because the insertion of the Lutheran "Prayer of the Faithful" in the New Mass follows and puts forth the Protestant Error that all the people are priests.

16. Because the New Mass does away with the Confiteor of the priest, makes it collective with the people, thus promoting Luther's refusal to accept the Catholic teaching that the priest is judge, witness and intercessor with God.

17. Because the New Mass gives us to understand that the people concelebrate with the priest -- which is against Catholic theology!

18. Because six Protestant ministers collaborated in making up the New Mass (Drs. George, Jasper, Shepherd, Kunneth, Smith and Thurian).

19. Because just as Luther did away with the Offertory -- since it very clearly expressed the sacrificial, propitiatory character of the Mass -- so also the New Mass did away with it, reducing it to a simple Preparation of the Gifts.

20. Because enough Catholic theology has been removed that Protestants can, while keeping their antipathy for the true Roman Catholic Church, use the text of the New Mass without difficulty. Protestant minister Thurian said that a fruit of the New Mass "will perhaps be that non-Catholic communities will be able to celebrate the Lord's Supper using the same prayers as the Catholic Church." (La Croix 4/30/69).

21. Because the narrative manner of the Consecration in the New Mass infers that it is only a memorial and not a true sacrifice (Protestant thesis).

22. Because by grave omissions, the New Mass leads us to believe that it is only a meal (Protestant doctrine) and not a sacrifice for the remission of sins (Catholic doctrine).

23. Because the changes such as: table instead of altar, facing people instead of tabernacle, Communion in the hand, etc., emphasize Protestant doctrines (e.g. Mass is only a meal, priest is only a president of the assembly, etc.).

24. Because Protestants themselves have said "the new Catholic Eucharistic Prayers have abandoned the false perspective of sacrifice offered to God." (La Croix 12/10/69).

25. Because we are faced with a dilemma: either we become Protestantized by worshiping with the New Mass, or else we preserve our Catholic Faith by adhering faithfully to the traditional Mass of All Time.

26. Because the New Mass was made in accordance with the Protestant definition of the Mass: "The Lord's Supper or Mass is a sacred synaxis or assembly of the people of God which gathers together under the presidence of the priest to celebrate the memorial of the Lord" (Par. 7 Introd. to the New Missal, defining the New Mass, 4/6/69).

27. Because by means of ambiguity, the New Mass pretends to please Catholics while pleasing Protestants; thus it is "double-tongued" and offensive to God who abhors any kind of hypocrisy: "Cursed be...the double-tongued for they destroy the peace of many." (Sirach 28:13).

28. Because beautiful, familiar Catholic hymns which have inspired people for centuries have been thrown out and replaced with new hymns strongly Protestant in sentiment, further deepening the already distinct impression that one is no longer attending a Catholic function.

29. Because the New Mass contains ambiguities subtly favoring heresy, which is more dangerous than if it were clearly heretical since a half-heresy resembles the truth!

30. Because Christ has only one Spouse, the Catholic Church, and her worship service cannot also serve religions that are at enmity with her.

31. Because the New Mass follows the format of Cranmer's heretical Anglican Mass, and the methods use to promote it follow precisely the methods of the English heretics.

32. Because Holy Mother Church canonized numerous English martyrs who were killed because they refused to participate at a Mass such as the New Mass!

33. Because Protestants who once converted to Catholicism are scandalized to see that the New Mass is the same as the one they attended as Protestants. One of them, Julian Green, asks, "Why did we convert?"

34. Because statistics show a great decrease in conversions to Catholicism following use of the New Mass. Conversions, which were up to 100,000 a year in the U.S., have decreased to less than 10,000!

35. Because the traditional Mass has forged many saints. "Innumerable saints have been fed abundantly with the proper piety towards God by it..." (Pope Paul VI, Const. Apost. Missale Romanum)

36. Because the nature of the New Mass is such as to facilitate profanations of the Holy Eucharist, which occur with a frequency unheard of with the Traditional Mass.

37. Because the New Mass, despite appearances, conveys a New Faith, not the Catholic Faith. It conveys Modernism and follows exactly the tactics of Modernism, using vague terminology in order to insinuate and advance Error.

38. Because by introducing optional variations, the New Mass undermines the unity of the liturgy, with each priest liable to deviate as he fancies under the guise of creativity. Disorder inevitably results, accompanied by lack of respect and irreverence.

39. Because many good Catholic theologians, canonists, and priests do not accept the New Mass, and affirm that they are unable to celebrate it in good conscience.

40. Because the New Mass has eliminated such things as: genuflections (only three remain), purifications of the priest's fingers in the chalice, preservation from all profane contact of the priest's fingers after Consecration, sacred altar stone and relics, three altar cloths (reduced to one), all of which "only serve to emphasize how outrageously faith in the dogma of the Real Presence is implicitly repudiated."*

41. Because the traditional Mass, enriched and matured by centuries of Sacred Tradition, was codified (not invented) by a pope who was a Saint, Pius V, whereas the New Mass was artificially fabricated.

42. Because the Errors of the New Mass which are accentuated in the vernacular version are even present in the Latin text of the New Mass.

43. Because the New Mass, with its ambiguity with permissiveness, exposes us to the wrath of God by facilitating the risk of invalid celebrations. "Will priests of the near future who have not recieved the traditional formation, and who rely on the Novus Ordo with the intention of 'doing what the Church does,' consecrate validly? One may be allowed to doubt it."*

44. Because the abolition of the Traditional Mass recalls the prophecy of Daniel 8:12: "And he was given power against the perpetual sacrifice because of the sins of the people" and the observation of St. Alphonsus de Liguori that because the Mass is the best and most beautiful thing which exists in the Church here below, the devil has always tried by means of heretics to deprive us of it.

45. Because in places where the traditional Mass is preserved, the faith and fervor of the people are greater, whereas the opposite is true where the New Mass reigns. (Report on the Mass, Diocese of Campos, ROMA, Buenos Aires 69, 8/81)

46. Because along with the New Mass goes also a new catechism, a new morality, new prayers, new ideas, a new calendar -- in one word, a New Church, a complete revolution from the old. "The liturgical reform...do not be deceived, this is where the revolution begins." (Msgr. Dwyer, Archbishop of Birmingham, spokesman of the Episcopal Synod.)

47. Because the intrinsic beauty of the traditional Mass attracts souls by itself; whereas the New Mass, lacking any attractiveness of its own, has to invent novelties and entertainments in order to appeal to people.

48. Because the New Mass embodies numerous errors condemned dogmatically at the Council of Trent (Mass totally in vernacular, words of Consecration spoken aloud, etc. See Condemnation of Jansenist Synod of Pistoia), and errors condemned by Pope Pius XII (e.g. altar in form of a table. See Mediator Dei.)

49. Because the New Mass attempts to transform the Catholic Church into a new, ecumenical Church embracing all ideologies and all religions -- a goal long dreamt of by the enemies of the Catholic Church.

50. Because the New Mass, in removing the salutations and final blessing when the priest celebrates alone, shows a disbelief in the dogma of the Communion of Saints.

51. Because the altar and tabernacle are now separated, thus marking a division between Christ in His-priest-and-Sacrifice-on-the-altar, from Christ in His Real Presence in the tabernacle, "two things that of their very nature must remain together." (Pope Pius XII)

52. Because the New Mass no longer constitutes a vertical worship from man to God, but instead a horizontal worship between man and man.

53. Because the New Mass, although appearing to conform to the dispositions of Vatican Council II, in reality opposes its instructions, since the Council declared its desire to conserve and promote the traditional rite.

54. Because the traditional Latin Mass of Pope St. Pius V has never been legally abrogated and therefore remains a true rite of the Catholic Church by which Catholics may fulfill their Sunday obligation.

55. Because Pope St. Pius V granted a perpetual indult, valid "for always," to celebrate the traditional Mass freely, licitly, without scruple of conscience, punishment, sentence or censure" (Papal Bull "Quo Primum").

56. Because Pope Paul VI, when promulgating the New Mass, himself declared, "The rite...by itself is NOT a dogmatic definition..." (11/19/69)

57. Because Pope Paul VI, when asked by Cardinal Heenan of England if he was abrogating or prohibiting the Tridentine Mass, answered: "It is not my intention to prohibit absolutely the Tridentine Mass."

58. Because "in the Libera Nos of the New Mass, the Blessed Virgin, the Apostles and all the Saints are no longer mentioned; her and their intercession thus no longer asked, even in time of peril."*

59. Because in none of the three new Eucharistic Prayers (of the New Mass) is there any reference...to the state of suffering of those who have died, in none the possibility of a particular Memento, thus undermining faith in the redemptive nature of the Sacrifice.*

60. Because we recognize the Holy Father's supreme authority in his universal government of Holy Mother Church, but we know that even this authority cannot impose upon us a practice which is so CLEARLY against the Faith: a Mass that is equivocal and favoring heresy and therefore disagreeable to God.

61. Because, as stated in Vatican Council I, the "Holy Spirit was not promised to the successors of Peter, that by His revelation they might make new doctrine, but that by His assistance they might inviolably keep and faithfully expound the revelation or deposit of faith delivered through the Apostles." (D.S. 3070)

62. Because heresy, or whatever clearly favors heresy, cannot be a matter for obedience. Obedience is at the service of Faith and not Faith at the service of obedience! In this foregoing case then, "One must obey God rather than men." (Acts of the Apostles 5,29)

* Letter of Cardinals A. Ottaviani and A. Bacci to Pope Paul VI, dated September 25, 1969 enclosing A Critical Study of The Novus Ordo Missae.

Music

So I was thinking as I compiled music to carry with me how many songs I have and how many albums (CDs for the youngins). It occured to me that I only have 5, yes 5 albums that I would listen to all the way through and like EVERY song. They are not necessarily listed in order of preference, but by release date.

Trans-X - Living On Video (February 2, 1986)
Pet Shop Boys - Please (March 24, 1986)
Boston - Third Stage (September 23, 1986)
Debbie Gibson - Out Of The Blue (August 18, 1987)
Debbie Gibson - Electric Youth (January 2 1989)

So in almost 20 years no artist or band has produced an album (not including greatest hits compilations) that I like every song. But this goes way back also, all the way to the 50’s. It also amazes me that all 5 of these albums all came out within 4 years of each other. To top things off I still listen to these all the way through, in the order that the artist arranged them.

I guess that is why everyone buys just the songs they want online since there is no point in buying a disc with only a couple "good" songs on it.

What makes an ESTJ tick?

What makes an ESTJ tick?
The Dominant function is the judging one of Thinking. Characteristics associated with this function include:
Likes making decisions on the basis of logic, using objective considerations
Is concerned with truth, principles and justice
Is analytical and critical, tending to see the flaws in situations
Takes an objective approach

The judging Thinking function is extraverted. That is, Thinking is used primarily to govern the outer world of actions and spoken words. The ESTJ will therefore:
organise life in on a logical basis, classifying, ordering, and directing facts and situations
be decisive, with the aim of being just and fair
spontaneously criticise
be comfortable with conflict as a way of resolving problems
take an impersonal approach, focusing more on systems and organisational needs than each individuals' feelings

The Thinking function is primarily supported by introverted Sensing perception. That is, Sensing perception is used primarily to manage the inner world of thoughts and emotions. This will modify the way that the Thinking is directed, by:
focusing the (outer world) Thinking on practical decisions that lead to tried and trusted ways of organising or solving problems
focusing decisions on immediate considerations - e.g.: short term costs and benefits, and the next step

The classic temperament of an ESTJ is Epimethean, or Melancholic, for whom a basic driving force is duty, service and belonging.

Contributions to the team of an ESTJ
In a team environment, the ESTJ can contribute by:
working hard and efficiently to complete tasks by the deadlines set
contributing practical organisational skills
applying relevant and realistic logical arguments
calling a spade a spade
ensuring the team follows through to completion

The potential ways in which an ESTJ can irritate others include:
focusing too much on the current task at the expense of broader interpersonal issues
being too blunt in giving criticism
not seeing the wood for the trees
not encouraging others to experiment or innovate
not paying enough attention to others' feelings and values

Personal Growth

As with all types, the ESTJ can achieve personal growth by developing all functions that are not fully developed, through actions such as:
pausing and thinking, and recognising that others will accept the ESTJ's direction if their own contributions are accepted and valued
working within other people's limitations
taking time to consider the impact of the ESTJ's approach and ideas on people's feelings
expressing appreciation towards others
consulting others more, to engender ownership of the solution
learning to acknowledge and develop the ESTJ's own emotions and personal values
spending time alone to develop personal long-term strategies
spending time to develop personal relationships for their own sake

Recognising Stress
As stress increases, 'learned behaviour' tends to give way to the natural style, so the ESTJ will behave more according to type when under greater stress. For example, in a crisis, the ESTJ might:
take command, decide what needs to be done, and tell everyone what to do
use tried and trusted solutions to short-term problems
make decisions too quickly, and without considering the impact on people
criticise others efforts and ignore their feelings

Under extreme stress, fatigue or illness, the ESTJ's shadow may appear - a negative form of INFP. Example characteristics are:
withdrawing and wanting to be alone
having intense emotions, that may or may not be expressed
being very sensitive to criticism
attributing unrealistic negative meaning to others actions or statements

The shadow is part of the unconscious that is often visible to others, onto whom the shadow is projected. The ESTJ may therefore readily see these faults in others without recognising it in him/her self.

The Guy's Rules

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally, the guys' side of the story. We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules! Please note.. these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!